It’s hard to say those words. With those words, come so many different emotions; excitement, the unknown, and the over whelming sense of “sharing love”. How am I going to share my heart that’s already taken by the most precious little man in the world? My husband and I talk about it all the time and I know I will love her with every stitch of my soul, but it’s hard to fathom the world not revolving around my Crew. I also know that the day she arrives will be another “best day of my entire life”.
I don’t know if I can mentally prepare for all the things that come with having two, having two in diapers, so the story goes, but there are MANY things that I am looking forward too. Seeing what she looks like, who she looks like, when she will hit her milestones, her firsts, her ability NOT to move for several months (haha…that’s when things get hard), Crew’s inability to use my stomach as a stair step, pleasant smelling diapers for the first 6 months, her likes, her dislikes, how much Crew loves her, so and so on.
Being this close to actually meeting her also stirs memories of how Crew came into this world and the indescribable experience of having a baby. I want to share my birth story with Crew…also knowing that my next will for sure be different but wonderful in its own way. I had THE BEST pregnancy and delivery, well from what I know. Other than morning sickness during the first trimester, I felt better than I had in my life and ABSOLUTELY loved being pregnant. I embraced every minute of it. Tuesday, December 13th (one day shy of 39 weeks and my adored best friend’s birthday) my water broke at home around 8:30pm. I panicked, stood in the bathroom screaming for Jarret. I do believe this was the first time during all of this that I absorbed I was really having a baby. I remember crying on the phone to my momma and another close girl friend…and not knowing why I was crying either. After phoning my OB and realizing I didn’t have to rush, I showered and packed the car to head to Asheville’s Mission Hospital. We arrived at Mission around 12:30am. After initial triage, I was only 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. Nurses and Doctors both advised me that I would probably deliver that following evening, same time. Soon after we were settled into our Labor and Delivery room, my contractions quickly became painful, I was in and out of the bathroom sick; I decided to get some relief!! Epidural was in around 3am…freaking awesome…and I was soon asleep. My nurse woke me around 6am to check my progress, and as I was progressing smoothly, my epidural had moved high in my chest and the feeling in my legs and abdomen had returned. Scared…the weirdest feeling in the world to have your chest numb, I had the epidural removed. From there it’s a blur. Pain was intense and my memories are minimal. At 9:16am on December 14th, Crew Aubrey was born! 20 minutes of pushing and that baby was out. I really don’t remember those last 3 hours, pushing…but after the minute I saw him, every memory is forever stitched in my brain. I remember how his skin felt when they put him on my chest, the sounds, the smells. My first memory was thinking “I can’t believe how big he is”. He only weighed in at 7 lbs 3oz but he felt so big those first moments on my chest. He was just prefect…minus his squished nose from being tightly held in my belly:).
This pregnancy has not gone as smoothly (and eventually i'll blog the truth;) but I'm determined to stay positive). As I think back to that day, I can only hope this pending labor and delivery happens much the same. Regardless of how it happens I just want to have my sweet Essie Caroline.