Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Happy Birthday Baby

Here’s to the most wonderful, beautiful, smart, clever, amusing, giving, and sexy husband, daddy, caretaker and friend. Happy Birthday, 32nd at that, to Jarret Calloway.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

New Year, New Look

Every year around this time I find myself weighing in on this year’s new year resolution.  I had decided, much like last years, that mine would involve a new look.  I vowed last year to wear make-up on a daily basis (and not just concealer to cover an annoying blemish) but eye make-up and lipstick.  I’m almost 29, and I believe it time the “no make-up” look is put away and saved for rainy days. I believe the no make-up days began in college when getting ready consisted of showering and throwing your hair on top of your head wet.  I guess my habit carried on too many years.  Unfortunately my vow lasted only a few days lasted year so this January 1st I re-vowed to wear make-up every day. 

It’s now January 26th and I’ve failed again…wearing make-up only a few days to work or special appointments.  It’s not that I think I need to wear it to impress anyone or that I look horrible when not wearing it but when I do, I feel more put together…put together to take on my day.  Also wearing it consistently will help deter the silly comments I do get when I wear it.  Just last week, some older lady I have known for a few years now asked if I had lost weight; that my eyes looked big and bright.  Obviously I have not lost weight, I’m 28 weeks pregnant haha, I had just applied eye liner and mascara that day. 

Although I haven’t kept good on my resolution, I will try harder to put my face together in the mornings, I’m going to be realistic and say it won’t happen every day.  I’ve decided to tailor my resolution to a new outlook instead of a new look.  Hoping it will be easier to abide by,and considering it’s a mind frame, I’m going to focus my life to living in every moment (I know its cliché..but bear with me).  I’m the queen of planning and looking forward to things.  I plan events months out and on purpose so I may have things to daydream about…all in the future.  I find myself wishing for days to come sooner; wishing for certain times to get here, pushing for life’s milestones to hit, instead of enjoying what’s happening right now.  I need to breath, stop rushing, and take in every second.  I am extremely blessed and although I thank the lord every day, I’m still missing the little things while longing for the next.  I officially vow to calm down (somewhat), laugh through the rough stages and soak in each second of the life I love so much. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Changes bring so much joy

Oh how my life has changed.  No complaints here but the Holidays sure put things in perspective.  Celebrating a first birthday, Christmas and New Years all within a month was tiresome…and worth every minute.  Last year, having an eleven day old, at Christmas, was only a sneak peak at what my life has evolved to.  This year was filled with birthday gifts, Christmas gifts (WAY to many plastic toys for this girl to handle hah), sweets, traveling, and a New Years spent calming a screaming baby while the ball dropped at a beloved friends house.  Wrapping and re-wrapping gifts because Crew tore into the boxes, moving most of my Christmas tree ornaments to the top half of the tree so Crew couldn’t reach them, and being “Santa” for the first time are just a few priceless happenings that indicate life’s changes.

Which brings me to this…If someone would have told me that I, at 28 almost 29, would have a toddler and one on the way, I would have called bluffs; told them they were crazy.   It was not a dream or at least not a dream I had that I knew existed. I never said I didn’t want to have children as I never day dreamed about onezies and baby kisses.  Now it’s all I wake up for.  

About a year before Crew was born, actually on Jarret’s 30th birthday, I found out I was pregnant.  I remember every aspect of that day, that week…the panic, the confusion, the unknown.  We were not trying to conceive and in no way did I think I was ready to have kids.  I probably cried every day the first week.  Just as I had accepted that I was going to have a baby, I was going to be a Mom, I received horrible news.  I miscarried at 6 weeks.  My first thoughts were “ok, so I’m not having a baby in October, Ok I can deal with this”.  I was upset but not devastated.  I viewed it as a missed chance.  I thought I was just fine until several weeks passed.  New thoughts of parenthood crossed my mind and that panic I once felt with the possibility of being a mom turned to panic that I would never be a mom.  The fear grew and grew.  I began to think I would die if I couldn’t have babies.  (I cry every time I think about this and where I am today).  As my doctor suggested, we waited one month after my cycle resumed to start trying again.  God’s blessing; I was pregnant again that next month.  And I too can remember every aspect of that day and the exciting weeks to come.  The urge to have a baby was so great; I couldn’t wait to find out.  It was a Friday, I was at work, and I knew the following Monday I should either start or miss my period.  I cornered my family physician in the hallway (a perk when working at a hospital) and begged him to run an HCG blood level test on me.  My office phone rang an hour or two later.  It was the lab calling…my HCG level was 37.  To those who don’t know, HCG is the pregnancy hormone indicator in blood/urine, >25 is positive for pregnancy.  It was VERY early on, but I was pregnant!!! 

Fast forward to now…I have my sweet, wild Crew and my “she baby” (that’s what we have been calling her…the name game has played us both) due in April.  The miscarriage was a blessing in disguise.  I often think about where I would be now, and the blessings I would have missed, if it wasn’t for that shortcoming.  It was a kick start of the best dream I’ve ever had come true.