Preparing for number two

 It’s hard to say those words.  With those words, come so many different emotions; excitement, the unknown, and the over whelming sense of “sharing love”.  How am I going to share my heart that’s already taken by the most precious little man in the world?  My husband and I talk about it all the time and I know I will love her with every stitch of my soul, but it’s hard to fathom the world not revolving around my Crew.  I also know that the day she arrives will be another “best day of my entire life”. 

I don’t know if I can mentally prepare for all the things that come with having two, having two in diapers, so the story goes, but there are MANY things that I am looking forward too.  Seeing what she looks like, who she looks like, when she will hit her milestones, her firsts, her ability NOT to move for several months (haha…that’s when things get hard), Crew’s inability to use my stomach as a stair step, pleasant smelling diapers for the first 6 months, her likes, her dislikes, how much Crew loves her, so and so on. 

Being this close to actually meeting her also stirs memories of how Crew came into this world and the indescribable experience of having a baby.  I want to share my birth story with Crew…also knowing that my next will for sure be different but wonderful in its own way.  I had THE BEST pregnancy and delivery, well from what I know.  Other than morning sickness during the first trimester, I felt better than I had in my life and ABSOLUTELY loved being pregnant.  I embraced every minute of it. Tuesday, December 13th (one day shy of 39 weeks and my adored best friend’s birthday) my water broke at home around 8:30pm.  I panicked, stood in the bathroom screaming for Jarret.  I do believe this was the first time during all of this that I absorbed I was really having a baby.  I remember crying on the phone to my momma and another close girl friend…and not knowing why I was crying either.  After phoning my OB and realizing I didn’t have to rush, I showered and packed the car to head to Asheville’s Mission Hospital.  We arrived at Mission around 12:30am.  After initial triage, I was only 1cm dilated and 80% effaced.  Nurses and Doctors both advised me that I would probably deliver that following evening, same time.  Soon after we were settled into our Labor and Delivery room, my contractions quickly became painful, I was in and out of the bathroom sick; I decided to get some relief!!  Epidural was in around 3am…freaking awesome…and I was soon asleep.  My nurse woke me around 6am to check my progress, and as I was progressing smoothly, my epidural had moved high in my chest and the feeling in my legs and abdomen had returned.  Scared…the weirdest feeling in the world to have your chest numb, I had the epidural removed.  From there it’s a blur.  Pain was intense and my memories are minimal.  At 9:16am on December 14th, Crew Aubrey was born!  20 minutes of pushing and that baby was out.  I really don’t remember those last 3 hours, pushing…but after the minute I saw him, every memory is forever stitched in my brain.  I remember how his skin felt when they put him on my chest, the sounds, the smells.  My first memory was thinking “I can’t believe how big he is”.  He only weighed in at 7 lbs 3oz but he felt so big those first moments on my chest.  He was just prefect…minus his squished nose from being tightly held in my belly:).

This pregnancy has not gone as smoothly (and eventually i'll blog the truth;) but I'm determined to stay positive).  As I think back to that day, I can only hope this pending labor and delivery happens much the same.  Regardless of how it happens I just want to have my sweet Essie Caroline.   

Fashion Ekk!

Ekkkkkk here comes Spring Fashion Week!! One of my favorite times of the year…and I CAN NOT wait to see all the new trends, read the new buzz and screen shot all of the outfits I want to try and dup. To top it all off this year, JCrew’s former head women’s wear designer is debuting her new line; the anticipation is going to kill me. (I’ve found the best info about this year’s goodies, like always, on Harper’s Bazaar website and photos have already started showing up on Pinterest). This year, like last, I have to frown a bit because I can’t shop for “regular” clothes yet being that I’ll still be in the maternity department BUT I can still drool over the goods. We all also know that the new trends won’t reach our stores for at least a year, if we are lucky. H&M will come close..but I’ve found one to beat it. ASOS, a UK department like store, always carries the latest and greatest when it comes to current trends…and I’m not talking about North Carolina clothing/accessory trends. It’s so funny to me that trends are so regionally specific. “What’s in” in Asheville is not the case in Charlotte nor “what’s in” now in stores is “in” in the fashion current cities across the ocean. That being said…I’m gearing up to celebrate one of my favorite weeks of the year! Toasting to new looks and new do’s….and patiently awaiting the time when I can shop in the women’s department again. In the meantime I will start a collection in my basket at ASOS.

Here are some sneak peakers…I love the street fashion shots!

Drive dancing counts as prenatal exercise

For the entertainment value of my son and also for my enjoyment, I have to admit I still jam out to my favorite songs while driving down the road. It brings back so many memories of college, friends, and moments in my life (funny how songs/certain music can do that). I almost can always think back to where I was when the song was popular and experiences I shared during that time period. I will also admit that it’s still one of my favorite things to do.  But yesterday, something happened. While Crew and I were jamming out to a Justin Bieber song (yes…I like him…the word love might apply), I realized I was out of breath. 1. Pathetic 2. That’s pregnancy for ya and 3. Really…who gets out of breath dancing/singing while only using arm and torso movements?!?! Instead of feeling bad about myself, I’ve decided that drive dancing is a form of exercise…for me, prenatal exercise. And since I haven’t walked/ran, done ANYTHING related to aerobic activity during this pregnancy; I began to smile. I’m getting a work out…it’s fun, my child laughs at me and the little one is my belly will appreciate the musical ride! Yesterdays play list is as follows:

Mariah Carey’s You’ll Always Be My Baby

Little Big Town’s Tornado

The Band Perry’s Better Dig Two

Blues Traveler’s Run Around

Cee Lo Green’s Forget You (yes, it’s the edited one)

Reba McEntire’s Why Haven’t I Heard From You

Justin Bieber’s Baby

big boy changes!

After the horrific, first time baby fall scare of this week*, post traumatic stress disorder (hah) and frustration of trying to feed a toddler a semi-liquid diet, I figured I would share some positives.  

*My wild, climbing, dare devil, almost 14 month old, fell (while justing walking...ironically) and hit his mouth on the corner of our coffee table.  Gushing blood and momma's panic, we rushed to the emergency room.  As I look back on my reaction, I have to laugh.  I totally freaked, drove with him on my lap while flashing my hazards.  What was I thinking?  He wasn't dying, he just knocked his tooth out.  It was probably worse that I drove, speeding, with a baby on my lap.  That aside, we made it to the ER, and were quickly seen by the doctor.  I'm almost thankful for all the blood because I do think that was the reason we were seen so quickly.  The doctor numbed his mouth, set his tooth back and we were discharged.  All that panic and it was over.  Now, he's on antibiotics to help avoid infection and he will almost surely loose that tooth, but my child is ok.  No permanent damage...it's just a tooth (that's what I keep telling myself, I know it could of been way worse).  That's it.  That night Crew sleep all night, woke up the next morning as if nothing happened and hasn't ever since.  Babies/kids are sure resilient.  Much more than their mommies.   

Back stepping a few days, Crew, at daycare, was officially moved to the toddler room. If you have kids and they are in daycare you already know what this involves but if not, the toddler room brings new tasks and new routines.  When daycare told me Crew would be eating breakfast and lunch at a table and napping in a cot on the floor I thought they had lost their mind.  There's no way he would corporate.  I can't get him to sit still for more and five min., nor does he sleep, stay sleeping, in  a spot not confined with bumpers or bars. 

Well he did and all week long.  I was thrilled and so impressed he made the transition was easily. And even with the major fall occurring mid week.  Ok so here's when the bragging comes in...as if I wasn't bragging that he transitioned so well.  My toddler is now sleeping at night in his toddler bed.  Wahoooo!  For something I anticipated with much grief, it was nothing.  And even better, he's in "big boy" bed/room, before she baby has arrived.  

So here's to decorating a baby girl nursery.  God is so good.

Happy Birthday Baby

Here’s to the most wonderful, beautiful, smart, clever, amusing, giving, and sexy husband, daddy, caretaker and friend. Happy Birthday, 32nd at that, to Jarret Calloway.

New Year, New Look

Every year around this time I find myself weighing in on this year’s new year resolution.  I had decided, much like last years, that mine would involve a new look.  I vowed last year to wear make-up on a daily basis (and not just concealer to cover an annoying blemish) but eye make-up and lipstick.  I’m almost 29, and I believe it time the “no make-up” look is put away and saved for rainy days. I believe the no make-up days began in college when getting ready consisted of showering and throwing your hair on top of your head wet.  I guess my habit carried on too many years.  Unfortunately my vow lasted only a few days lasted year so this January 1st I re-vowed to wear make-up every day. 

It’s now January 26th and I’ve failed again…wearing make-up only a few days to work or special appointments.  It’s not that I think I need to wear it to impress anyone or that I look horrible when not wearing it but when I do, I feel more put together…put together to take on my day.  Also wearing it consistently will help deter the silly comments I do get when I wear it.  Just last week, some older lady I have known for a few years now asked if I had lost weight; that my eyes looked big and bright.  Obviously I have not lost weight, I’m 28 weeks pregnant haha, I had just applied eye liner and mascara that day. 

Although I haven’t kept good on my resolution, I will try harder to put my face together in the mornings, I’m going to be realistic and say it won’t happen every day.  I’ve decided to tailor my resolution to a new outlook instead of a new look.  Hoping it will be easier to abide by,and considering it’s a mind frame, I’m going to focus my life to living in every moment (I know its cliché..but bear with me).  I’m the queen of planning and looking forward to things.  I plan events months out and on purpose so I may have things to daydream about…all in the future.  I find myself wishing for days to come sooner; wishing for certain times to get here, pushing for life’s milestones to hit, instead of enjoying what’s happening right now.  I need to breath, stop rushing, and take in every second.  I am extremely blessed and although I thank the lord every day, I’m still missing the little things while longing for the next.  I officially vow to calm down (somewhat), laugh through the rough stages and soak in each second of the life I love so much. 

Changes bring so much joy

Oh how my life has changed.  No complaints here but the Holidays sure put things in perspective.  Celebrating a first birthday, Christmas and New Years all within a month was tiresome…and worth every minute.  Last year, having an eleven day old, at Christmas, was only a sneak peak at what my life has evolved to.  This year was filled with birthday gifts, Christmas gifts (WAY to many plastic toys for this girl to handle hah), sweets, traveling, and a New Years spent calming a screaming baby while the ball dropped at a beloved friends house.  Wrapping and re-wrapping gifts because Crew tore into the boxes, moving most of my Christmas tree ornaments to the top half of the tree so Crew couldn’t reach them, and being “Santa” for the first time are just a few priceless happenings that indicate life’s changes.

Which brings me to this…If someone would have told me that I, at 28 almost 29, would have a toddler and one on the way, I would have called bluffs; told them they were crazy.   It was not a dream or at least not a dream I had that I knew existed. I never said I didn’t want to have children as I never day dreamed about onezies and baby kisses.  Now it’s all I wake up for.  

About a year before Crew was born, actually on Jarret’s 30th birthday, I found out I was pregnant.  I remember every aspect of that day, that week…the panic, the confusion, the unknown.  We were not trying to conceive and in no way did I think I was ready to have kids.  I probably cried every day the first week.  Just as I had accepted that I was going to have a baby, I was going to be a Mom, I received horrible news.  I miscarried at 6 weeks.  My first thoughts were “ok, so I’m not having a baby in October, Ok I can deal with this”.  I was upset but not devastated.  I viewed it as a missed chance.  I thought I was just fine until several weeks passed.  New thoughts of parenthood crossed my mind and that panic I once felt with the possibility of being a mom turned to panic that I would never be a mom.  The fear grew and grew.  I began to think I would die if I couldn’t have babies.  (I cry every time I think about this and where I am today).  As my doctor suggested, we waited one month after my cycle resumed to start trying again.  God’s blessing; I was pregnant again that next month.  And I too can remember every aspect of that day and the exciting weeks to come.  The urge to have a baby was so great; I couldn’t wait to find out.  It was a Friday, I was at work, and I knew the following Monday I should either start or miss my period.  I cornered my family physician in the hallway (a perk when working at a hospital) and begged him to run an HCG blood level test on me.  My office phone rang an hour or two later.  It was the lab calling…my HCG level was 37.  To those who don’t know, HCG is the pregnancy hormone indicator in blood/urine, >25 is positive for pregnancy.  It was VERY early on, but I was pregnant!!! 

Fast forward to now…I have my sweet, wild Crew and my “she baby” (that’s what we have been calling her…the name game has played us both) due in April.  The miscarriage was a blessing in disguise.  I often think about where I would be now, and the blessings I would have missed, if it wasn’t for that shortcoming.  It was a kick start of the best dream I’ve ever had come true.